Age: 7ish (then, not now)
What: Half-sucked red raspberry lollipop
How it got out: Pretty sure the Doc just pulled it out with some kind of tool.
The nose incident:
Maybe I thought it would be cool to pretend my head was candy or something. I'm not sure. All I know is I stuck the lollipop straight up my right nostril. I'd been sucking on it for a while so it was melty and sticky and covered with my gross child-saliva. I jammed it up there hard in one solid motion--a boy possessed by the sugar devil. Red Raspberry, right up the ol'sniffer. At first, I thought the stuff running into my mouth was melted candy, but bloody nasal drainage is not candy, folks. If you cram something up your nose and it gets stuck and anything starts pouring out, you should do what my mom did when she saw a stick of tightly rolled paper jutting out of my bleeding nostril--scream a few times, then rush to the hospital.
The doctor actually gagged when he pulled the thing out of me and a little spurt of liquid shot onto the floor. My mom asked me what I was thinking. Why had I done such a stupid thing? I don't know what I told her, but I'll tell you this now: who wouldn't want to be a damn lollipop, am I right?